Celebrating a big wedding anniversary? You better be frantically googling what your latest milestone represents. If you don’t, you’re really weird.

Because that’s kinda the most fun thing about it - not the big fancy dinner that costs too much or the flowers you get/give every year, it’s seeing whether this year represents an egg, porcelain or something else totally made up for marketing purposes. 

Here at Scribbler, we simply hope that every single anniversary comes with a card that shows they know you more than anyone else. But if we must tie something else to it, here’s what we think each anniversary milestone material means. 

1st Anniversary - Paper

365 days, completed. One whole year of you being together and we call it paper? Seems a bit fragile, which is quite funny.

We like to think it actually means toilet paper, because of all the shit you’ve both had to put up with. For a whole. Bloody. Year. 

Maybe congratulate each other with a card? Made of paper (card, obv). 

10th Anniversary - Tin

Your love has lasted through thick and TIN. 

We’d like to think it means a tin of unknown foodstuff without a label, like some hidden beans or hopefully, a tin of juicy peaches in syrup. 

But if you’re really unlucky, it’s an old tin of corned beef.  

25th Anniversary - Silver

A quarter of a decade is a bloody long time to be with one person. Congratulations. 

Traditionally, 25 years is celebrated with silver. We’d like to celebrate with some nice cutlery, for all of the forking shit you’ve had to put up with. And for all of the years of spooning. 

30th Anniversary - Pearl

Wisdom? Purity? Resilience? And a love that's grown over time. That’s what pearl means. 

And also, 30 fucking years of being together. Goodness me. 

40th Anniversary - Ruby

Is this the jewel? Or that song by Kaiser Chiefs? Or like, the cockney rhyming slang for a curry (Ruby Murray)?

It’s probably the bright red stone that everyone likes, but it could be any one of these. Long time, init? 

50th Anniversary - Gold

18,250 days or 483,000 hours is a long time for anything, honestly. Endurance, love, strength and prosperity. That’s what you’ve had, somehow, for 50 years. 

A big gold bar would be a nice gift, or a golden egg from Willy Wonka, or a big gold gangster chain? 

60th Anniversary - Diamond

You deserve all the diamonds in the world for being together for SIXTY years. 

That’s a lot of rare insults and putting up with each other's shit.