In case you weren’t aware, we don’t really tend to ‘do’ traditional Christmas cards here. No Robins in the snow, no carolling kids outside the front porch waiting for some figgy pudding, no jolly, rosy-cheeked Santa Claus from the 1950s giving out teddy bears and toy trains.

Nah, we’d rather make a poo joke or make it look like a snowman is a little ‘excited’ with a carefully-placed carrot. And if you’d rather give something like that, you’re one of us. 

But what does your choice of Christmas card say about you? You’re about to find out.

This card says ‘I’m SO funny, I love cute stuff and know my sweets’. See, it’s a sheep saying ‘bah’, but it’s also a mint humbug sweet - is this the cleverest Christmas pun ever? Potentially. 

This Bah Humbug card works especially well if the person you’re giving it to is a bit of a Grinch during the festive season. You might even get a little Christmas chuckle out of them, but you should know that if you do, that will be your one and only gift from them. 

Honestly? This card probably says more about them than it says about you. The person you’re giving this to probably always takes their kit off at any occasion, and has the uncanny ability to persuade you to have a margarita at 10am. 

They’re also fabulous, incredibly fun and always the life of the party. Get this funny Christmas card to show them that you love them for who they are (even when they’re hungover at work).

Sometimes you need a horny snowman with a carrot dick to show someone just how much you fancy them. 

This hilarious Christmas card does exactly that. If this is the one you go for, you’re definitely not afraid to show your true feelings, especially when there’s veg involved.

Works particularly well if your name is Steve.

If you give someone this card, it means you’re a hipster, vegan or an elder millennial. 

Just kidding. It means you have a wonderful sense of humour and find tattooed Santa kinda hot. Because he is. 

Imagine if they re-marketed Santa like this? Genius.

Crocs used to be the most uncool piece of footwear ever. Now? Everyone has them (including the person writing this blog post, wearing them now, in fact). 

So if you choose to give this Christmas card, it means you’re either part of the Croc Crew, your recipient is, OR you’re sending a MASSIVE hint that you want to join. 

They’re so comfy and fun, look at those Christmas accessories. LOOK AT THEM.

Ah, a lovely festive walk. Crisp air, fallen leaves, maybe a bit of snow to add to the atmosphere?

Oh, and don’t forget the perfect pile of fox shit that your dog ALWAYS seems to find and become obsessed with. There’s nothing you can do, they’ve already rolled in it, they don’t care that it’s Christmas. 

Give this furry, funny card to your fave dog person to warn them/wish them a Merry Christmas.

Everyone is obsessed with The Traitors, and this is the perfect card to give your favourite Claudia Winkelman fan. 

Are they a true Faithful, or are they a nasty Traitor? It’s basically the new, ultra-modern naughty or nice list.

Christmas is THE time to avoid the gym, eat whatever you want and drink too much wine. Sometimes people need to be reminded of that. 

This card is a gentle reminder that the recipient must do all of these things, because at the end of the day, it’s Christmas.