Let’s be honest, at Scribbler, we love a card that pushes the boundaries. But sometimes, those boundaries push back. 

Every year our writers come up with festive gold, the kind of brilliantly rude, unapologetically honest messages that make us laugh until mulled wine sprays out of our noses (that actually happened at one of the Xmas parties, good times). 

So, in the spirit of Christmas mischief, here are 10 cards that live rent-free in our heads for their shock factor.

We always wondered how Rudolph and the gang pulled the, let’s just say it, morbidly obese Santa Claus across the entire world. 

And this hilarious card is a manifestation of those board meetings trying to figure it out. Is deadlifts? Physics? Or magic? 

Give this to someone who loves a good festive chuckle.

Saying ‘Hope you have a Merry Christmas’ is SO boring. 

But saying ‘I hope your Christmas is the absolute bollocks’? It’s insightful, funny, and just makes you sound interesting. 

Pair it with a drawing of a naked man out in the snow and the festive season is yours for the taking. This is one of our favourite funny cards to give the joker in your life.

Bet you didn’t know about Santa’s secret little list, did you? Almost everyone’s on it, so we’ve heard.

If you’ve got a mate with a handy sense of humour, this is the card to give them - funny, smutty but still super festive!

Sometimes, you’re just not feeling Christmassy, and that’s okay. If you’re sick of ‘ho ho ho’ and you’re feeling more ‘fuck fuck fuck’, give this card a go.

Send it to your mate who is so sickly sweet when it comes to the festive season, they make you want to give them the middle finger whenever you get the chance. WITH a Santa on.

A very underused, underrated pet name for someone, is ‘Cunty Chops’. 

And the fact that it’s been lovingly stitched like a friendly little message makes it even better. The recipient of this card with attitude is guaranteed to be overjoyed, confused and a little bit insulted.

Is there a more recognisable shape than this? Even at Christmas? We don’t think so.

Give this super funny Christmas card to your friend who was obsessed with drawing dicks all over their school planner, you know they’ll love it.

Sometimes a literal cheeky message is all you need. Just because it’s Christmas, it doesn’t mean you can’t tell someone how much you appreciate their bum.

Give this to your fave sweet-cheeked Christmas angel.

Best ‘til last? Probably rudest ‘til last, because you’ve made it through the rest without being too shocked (hopefully) your reward is this.

Rudolph, naked, asking if you want to play ‘reindeer games’. 

This outrageously rude and funny card is perfect to send to your mate who’s always telling the crudest jokes.