Two types of people exist at Christmas:

Those who send stunning cards with pictures of figure skaters and Santa waving at children, covered in glitter and with a heartfelt message like ‘Wishing you a wonderful Christmas darling’. 

And those who send memes, make bauble jokes and wish you a ‘Merry Fucking Christmas’ while downing a pint of mulled wine. 

So, which are you? Pick a card and find out… 

Funny Cards

Can you imagine if Santa used his Christmas magic to spell out arguably the best, most visceral swear word that exists?

It’s funny, it’s quite rude and it’s definitely different from the standard Christmas card fair. Give this hilarious card to someone you think is a bit of a see you next tidings…

If you can’t make a dick joke at Christmas, when can you? Summer? That’s just rude and wildly inappropriate. 

This funny Christmas card is perfect for your slightly immature friend, brother or nephew (careful with that last one).

A Shrek isn’t just for Christmas, it’s for life. And if your group chat is mainly communicated in memes, this is the card for you.

An icon, a legend, arguably almost as important as Santa and Jesus during Christmastime. Give this sassy festive card to your fave ogre-loving buddy this year.

This is the funny card to give dog owners this Christmas. If not for them, then for their dog.

It IS a bit out of order that humans can just bring in what they like, but if the dog brings in one tiny stick, it’s telling off time. At Christmas, too?! Unbelievable.

The temptation to shape a snowman into a perfectly formed snow-dick is SO tempting, every single time it snows.

This hilarious Christmas card is perfect for your mate who doesn’t take the festive season too seriously, and would rather make a penis joke or two.

Not much can go wrong with calling someone a bum face - it’s playful, it’s quite cute, everyone loves a bum - it’s probably the most Christmassy insult you can get (kinda?). 

So give this to someone who’s always the butt of the joke, and loves a good ol’ festive laugh.

Festive Cards

‘Tis the season when the leaves fall and trees are left barren, but some of the loveliest foliage comes out at Christmas, and we’ve captured it on this card (not literally). 

Give this lovely, super festive card to your fave person who loves a bit of gardening. 

Who’s the most colourful person you know? When even in winter, they glow like a rainbow? 

Give them this Christmas card, they’ll love it, guaranteed.

Kitschmas is well and truly alive. We’re talking retro Santa, bold colours and tacky (in a wonderful way) designs. 

A colourful card needs a colourful recipient, so save this one for your favourite eccentric.

Not a Simpsons reference, but better. 

Your DINKWAD friends (double income, no kids with a dog) are the perfect target for this pup-themed Christmas card. The dog has a little jumper on! Incredible!!

The pawfect Christmas card for dog-lovers.

Cocktails, wine, cheese, beer, more wine, snacks, candles, cheese, cocktails, a bit of ham, wine. 

Not in THAT order specifically, but this is what Christmas is all about. And if you know someone who loves to eat during the festive period (anyone), this is the card for them.

Just a lovely, colourful Christmas card you can give to your fave person, that one who makes you feel merry and bright. 

Or something less cheesy. Whatever.