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Rude Birthday Cards

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Make fun of a seriously old specimen by sending one of the rudest birthday cards you can find that’s sure to leave a lasting impression long after the candles have been blown out. You have been warned: our explicit and insulting cards are not for the faint-hearted! Send an offensive design bursting with adult humour to your brother, sister, friend or partner. Browse rude cards featuring your favourite TV & film characters or fall even further down the rabbit hole with our swearing and retro style birthday cards.

When you find someone who is soo hot only one thing comes to mind so, tell them with this hilarious card from Buddy Fernandez.

You Make My Willy Go Big
Insult a cat lover and tell them they look old as sh*t on their birthday with this funny design by Jolly Awesome.

Lived Nine Lives
If they're a sucker for sausage dogs and succulents, make them smile on their birthday with this cheeky design by Maria Ofili.

Biggest Prick I Know
Celebrate another month locked inside the house with this design by Cunning Linguist.

Happy Fucking Lockdown
She Gave No Fucks Jeffrey and Janice card. The shortest most perfect story ever told. Janice should be everyone's role model. This card is perfect for anyone who literally give no f*cks.

She Gave No Fucks Jeffrey And Janice
Say a very pimp styled happy birthday to your bestest bitch with this card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Happy Birthday To My Bestest Bitch
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A harsh reality of lockdown right here! Hopefully it won't be long until you can celebrate their birthday with them, in the meantime, send them this Scribbler card and make them smile!

Floppy Haired Knobhead
Honesty is always the best policy. How lucky that Dean Morris has the perfect card to explain your RSVP.

A Big Wank
Body Weight In Cake Jeffrey and Janice Birthday Card. Is there any anything more satisfying than a glass (or bottle) of prosecco to wash down a full cake? I think not. The perfect card for all those prosecco and cake fans out there.

Body Weight In Cake Jeffrey And Janice
When your children are at that... delicate inbetween age, this will seem all too familiar! Give this Whale & Bird card to your partner to share the joy.

Sniff It Barry
But with rain let's be honest that's just your luck. A card designed by Brainbox Candy.

Birthday Forecast
Let them know exactly what you think of them for being born in January - the worst of all the calendar months with this birthday card by Filthy Sentiments.

January Twat
This card says so much you wouldn't even have to write a message in the inside of it! A great birthday card designed by Do Something David.

Who Knew
This little snake is taking the poop emoji a little too literally! Make someone laugh and tell them to get well soon with this silly card by Tillovision.

You Look Like Shit, Dave
You and me both, Pingu. Give a friend a laugh with a funny take on these iconic lyrics! Designed by Cardinky.

Like Big Butts And I Cannot Fly
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This is bloody disgusting and you definitely know someone who'll appreciate this brand of humour. We'll take the lentil thanks. Designed by Scribbler.

Fifty Pound Lentil
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Send this personalised birthday card to a miserable old b*stard and see if he'll crack a smile. Maybe after the 7th drink? Designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Grumpy Fuckers Deserve A Card
Unicorn Off it's Tits, by Objectables. If your seeing unicorns like this on a regular basis, then maybe you're off your tits! Send this to your elegant unicorn.

Unicorn Off it's Tits
For such a pretty looking birthday card, this one's pretty ballsy! Send this Whale & Bird design to a gentleman in his prime.

One Year Closer
Their age may be forever changing but the thing that follows them around is still in tip top shape. A birthday card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Mighty Fine Ass
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The perfect Jeffrey & Janice card to personalise and send to your favourite gal on her birthday. Hopefully it'll get a wine-induced giggle!

Fantastic Bitch
We really don't wanna know what was going on while this cake was being made! For a friend who's so bad at baking you'd do this just so you have an excuse not to try it. Designed by Whale & Bird.

Ginger Pube In My Battenberg
Being a drunken old hoe bag has never been more in! Go Feminism!! A birthday card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Drunken Old Hoebag
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For a Dad so old he's got his arse permanently glued to his armchair. Personalised this Jeffrey & Janice birthday card to make his day!

Magnificent Old Bastard

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