Left it last minute again? When will you learn? If you don’t get them a Valentine’s gift this year, it’s over. That’s the reality. 

Okay, now you’ve had your bollocking, here’s a list of naughty or nice Valentine’s Day gifts depending on how you wanna play it this year. Safe or spicy? We won’t judge either way. 

Naughty gifts 

Sex Vouchers

It’s kinda weird to pay cold hard cash or contactless for sexual favours and affection, but if you have a voucher? It’s absolutely a-ok in our books. 

Give these Sex Vouchers to your Valentine so they can redeem them on stuff like massages and joint showers (they better not use your expensive shampoo though). Just remember to include some T&Cs.

Heatable Devil Heart 

Hell is known to be ‘quite’ a warm place, so this little demon straight from the pits of the underworld must be super toasty. 

And if you think your partner derives from deep below, or their behaviour has been particularly devilish this year, they’ll love this for V Day. 

I Love You Shit Loads Socks

There’s something quite freeing about having a load of swear words on your socks - it’s subtle yet statement-making. 

So give these to your partner if they want to be a bit naughty from head-to-toe. 

Dirty Date Deck

Believe it or not, you DO actually have to sometimes TALK to your partner. It’s not all just scrolling on TikTok and binge-watching shows. 

And on Valentine’s Day? It can’t help having some conversation starters to get things going, if you know what we mean *winks uncontrollably at you*.

This steamy deck of cards has a bunch of tricks to add some spice to your date night. Very naughty indeed. 

Nice gifts 

Love Hearts Sweets

Very retro, very nice. The OG sweet when it comes to Valentine’s Day, complete with already-written messages on them, so you don’t even need to make that much of an effort. 

Maybe get them a card as well, but a bag of these sweet-n-chalky candies might just suffice if you’re being nice. 

Jellycat Koala 

First of all, everyone loves a jellycat. But this one in particular for Valentine’s Day? Works. A. Treat. 

It comes with a little envelope and a card that you can write a nice little sweet message in, which is being held by a tiny baby koala. Incredible stuff. 

Love You Berry Much Mug

More. Cats. In. Fruit. Hats. Please. It’s all we ask, and it’s all they ask, too. Especially for Valentine’s Day. 

An extra sweet gift that shows you know they adore cats and absolutely fucking love a good pun. 

Write me Roses Kit

The actual problem with real roses is that they don’t last forever. However, hand-folded roses made of paper that you can write on definitely do. 

Write some words, roll ‘em up and you’ll get a bouquet of 12 mini roses. The only problem is thinking of 12 things to say, but that’s a you problem (the last 4 can just be dick drawings). 

Heatable Angel Heart

The nice counterpart to the devil heart up there ^^^. 

This microwaveable slice of heaven is so nice, we put it at the bottom, because we just know that it’s gonna be a hit. Just look at it.