Literally EVERYONE seems to be born in Autumn. If you have more than two friends, there’s a high chance that at least one of them was born in September/October.
All of our parents really do be celebrating Xmas/New Year and getting a little surprise nine months later, if you know what we mean.
Anyway. Autumn, or ‘Fall’ if you’re American and wrong, is the season for crisp leaves, a touch of spookiness and watching Gilmore Girls on repeat.
So, what birthday card do you get for an Autumn baby? Let’s have a look…
Only Bad Ass Witches Are Born In October Card
Know a bad ass witch? Someone who can throw it back while casting spells in any and all directions? Get them this card.
Apart from the horrors of January, October is definitely the spookiest month. Because of Halloween, duh.
So the likelihood of your October baby buddy being a witch is pretty bloody high. They might’ve even put a hex on you that forces you to buy them this card for their birthday. You never know.
Can you ask them to lift the ‘Chats absolute bollocks all the time’ curse off of us, please?
Wednesday Another Year Closer To Death Card
The best thing you can write inside this card is probably ‘Birthday’, maybe with a drawing of a bloody axe or dagger, too?
Channel your inner Wednesday by bringing the entire mood down on someone’s big day. This is the perfect card for your fellow emotion-suppressing witches.
Because saying ‘Happy’ is meaningless, and celebrating something that happens every year? What’s the point?
One November a Fucking Legend Was Born Card
Who could this be about, if it’s not the recipient?
You could just write a list of other people born in November that you like inside. Some ideas include:
- Anne Hathaway
- Winston Churchill
- Kendall Jenner
- Not them
Sometimes people just need reminding that, even though it’s their birthday, it’s not all about them.
That bright green ain’t going away just coz it’s not summer anymore. Instead, it’s just covered in falling leaves and a chill in the air.
Give this card to your bestie who spent the whole of 2024 having a Brat Summer, without actually knowing what it meant. Smoking more? Wearing a bikini top to brunch? Sleeping ‘til 4pm?
Who knows, they may as well do it in Autumn as well, though.
Hope You’re Enjoying Your Autumn Birthday Card
There really isn’t escaping the fact that the weather in Autumn can be pretty shit.
For every crisp, sunny Autumnal day, there are at least three rainy, piss-wet-through, windy days that make you long for Spring and Summer.
Anyway, happy birthday or whatever. Where’s the Vitamin D?
*quickly Googles what being a Scorpio means*
Whoever you’re giving this to is loyal, determined and 100% passionate. About the pub.
Arguably, we all are, but Scorpios are especially besotted by barstools and a good pint.
