It’s wedding season! You know, the time when your friends decide they want to have the big day abroad, so they make you take a four-day trip to Tuscany, pay for a fancy hotel and flights, plus a wedding gift, and activities, and food, and then don’t even offer a free bar. It basically ensures that you end the summer without a single penny in your bank account.

BUT, you love them, probably, so it’s all worth it. The hardest part, though? What do you write in their wedding card???

‘Happy Wedding!’ is weird. ‘Good luck!’ sounds like you think they don’t stand a chance. ‘Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness’ is just vomit-inducing. 

Well, that’s why your friends at Scribbler are the best at what they do. We’ve rounded up our favourite wedding cards and what we’d put inside, so you can take your pick or use them for inspo. We don’t mind, honestly.

#congratufuckinglations Card by CardShit

Inside message inspo: 

• Congrats to my favourite pair of little idiots. 

• You finally fucking did it!

• Congratulations, took you long enough

These work particularly well if the happy couple took their sweet ass time sealing the deal, alongside the #congratufuckinglations motif on the front to really hammer it home. We all have that one pair of friends who, it feels like, have been together since forever. So celebrate them with a slight dig at the fact that they’re dumb for waiting so long.

Good Luck And Don't Fuck It Up Card by Scribbler

Inside message inspo: 

• If either of you screw this up, you will feel my full wrath. Congratulations!

• If this doesn’t last, neither of you get custody of me. Have the best day ever!

• About half of all marriages end in divorce. It better not be you guys. Congrats!

Are you the designated third wheel of the lucky couple? You need to give them a wedding card to remind them exactly what will happen if they don’t work hard to keep their marriage alive. E.g. losing you as a friend. Not a threat, per se, just a gentle warning that they better stay together for the kid (you).

Obligatory Wedding Card by Blind Faith

Inside message inspo: 

• Where’s the free bar? Congrats.

• HWD (happy wedding day) x

• Here’s the receipt for the toaster I got you. Congratulations.

Not blessed with a way with words? Got shit handwriting? No probs. Keep it short, simple and easy, it’s the best way - especially if you’re left handed, less of a chance of smudging the whole page. You’ve got a ‘cool person’ reputation to keep up, can’t be giving cheesy wedding day cards, can you?

The Great Gatsby Happy Wedding Card by Blind Faith

Inside message inspo: 

• Whatever happens is your fault for having a free bar. Congrats!

• Can’t wait for the post-wedding hangover. Have the best/drunkest day ever!

• Now you’ve got someone to permanently get shitfaced with, congrats!

You’re the fun friend, the friend who’s always up for a beer, the friend who convinces everyone to ‘just come out for one’ and before you know it, you’re all in G-A-Y Lates singing ‘Barbie Girl’ at 1am. Let’s face it, you’re only going for the booze, and that’s absolutely fine - this is the wedding card for you. 

If these don’t help you come up with something to say on your wedding card, then just leave it blank, or don’t give one.