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Rude Valentine's Cards

They may be a pain in the arse but they’re your pain in the arse! If declarations of undying love aren’t really your style, these rude Valentine’s Day cards give you the perfect way to avoid all that sappy stuff. Whether you want to throw a cheeky insult at your other half or seduce someone with an explicit design, browse our naughtiest, most offensive cards to spice up any celebration. For more adult humour, check out our sweary and retro style Valentine’s cards.

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Rude Cards?
Well, I guess there's nothing else to say really. Don't beat about the bush, send this Dean Morris card now.

Suck My Dick

Nothing says love like putting your coldest part on their warmest part and saying "is this cold?" A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Cold Feet Warm Arse

Send this romantic card to a Maura fan who's missing their Love Island fix and tell them they're 100% your type on paper. Designed by Pedges Houseboat.

Fanny Flutters

You'll never be able to watch Next Generation in the same way again! Awkward Star Trek orgy, as requested by Sam Wise. Hilariously naughty Jim'll Paint It design by Lesser Spotted Images.

Awkward Star Trek Orgy

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Anyone who doesn't know emoji's might not get this Valentine's card by Scribbler, but to anyone who does, it's perfect to send to your partner!

Emoji Text Wanna Fuck

Tell your ginger friend how much you love their ginger bollocks with this hilarious card by Buddy Fernandez.

Ginger Bollocks

Add A Photo
Send your love to your favourite penis with this romantic Dean Morris design. Don't try and upload a dick pic here, we know what you dirty lot are like.

I Heart Your Penis Photo Upload

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They'll definitely be cashing these in as soon as they see this Valentine's card by Scribbler.

Love Coupons

When your sex life is not what it once was! It's clearly time to get more adventurous and bring vegetables into the bedroom. Designed by Whale & Bird.

Butternut Squash

Keep your pal entertained for about 30 seconds in isolation by sending them this fab dot to dot design by Quite Good Cards.

Cock To Cock

Mmm doughnuts! This rather raunchy design from Dean Morris Cards is ideal for any couple with a great sense of humour.

Sit On My Face

True love is them wiping for you after youre done. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Going For A Poo

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This is bloody disgusting and you definitely know someone who'll appreciate this brand of humour. We'll take the lentil thanks. Designed by Scribbler.

Fifty Pound Lentil

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We don't think there's a better compliment than you're the tits! Let them know with this hilariously unique Scribbler Valentine's card.

You're The Tits

Well of course but either way youre gonna end up with a belly ache or a massive headache. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Full Of Wine

I Fucking Love You AND I Love Fucking You. Be completely open and honest with this anniversary or Valentine's card from Dean Morris. What better compliment could you give to your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend?

I Love Fucking You

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The perfect Scribbler card to send to one sexy vegan. Any tofu loving partners will feel so-ya excited to receive this cheeky design.

I Want Tofu-Ck You

Add A Photo
Let them know that even though they're a pain in the ass, they're your pain in the ass with this hilarious photo-upload card by Scribbler. Perfect for your Anniversery, Valentine's or just because.

Favourite Pain In The Ass

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Without them, you're empty inside, literally and figuratively! Send this crude Scribbler design to proposition someone on Valentine's Day.

You Complete Me

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