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Rude Valentine's Cards

They may be a pain in the arse but they’re your pain in the arse! If declarations of undying love aren’t really your style, these rude Valentine’s Day cards give you the perfect way to avoid all that sappy stuff. Whether you want to throw a cheeky insult at your other half or seduce someone with an explicit design, browse our naughtiest, most offensive cards to spice up any celebration. For more adult humour, check out our sweary and retro style Valentine’s cards.

Let your partner in crime know that their love sustains you, much like oatmeal, with this Brooklyn Nine Nine inspired card. Name a better duo, we'll wait. Valentine's design by Scribbler.

You Aren't Some Common Bitch

Are you a little possessive about your partner? Then this Modern Toss card is the one for you!

Always Be Mine

Didn't even think that was possible until we met Matt Hancock! Send a different kind of dick pic to your other half this Valentine's Day. Designed by Scribbler.

But This One's Bigger

Pot noods to be specific! Does it really get more ramen-tic than that on Valentine's Day? Designed by Jolly Awesome.

Send Noods

You know what they say: stay clean on the streets and dirty in the sheets! Lockdown inspired Valentine's card by Scribbler.

Gagged In The Sheets

Does you believe in mahogany? Send mad respek to a lucky someone with this Ali G inspired Valentine's card and hopefully you'll be boning later. Designed by Scribbler.

Set It To Vibrate

Childhood memories ruined; we'll never look at the Teletubbies the same way again... Send this Scribbler Valentine's card to the one you're going Laa Laa over!

Touch Your Tinky Winky

Feeling a bit naughty this Valentine's? Build the suspense and let that special someone know what's in store for them later... Designed by The Cake Thief.

Get The D Later

Words to live by! Real women send Valentine's cards to their best gals to show how much they appreciate them, trust us. Designed by Scribbler.

Hoes Before Bros

A Valentine's special: you get the full married couple experience. I'll sit on the other side of the room and completely ignore you! Sound good? Designed by Modern Toss.

Pole Dance

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Send this Valentine's card all the way from Kazakhstan to tell a special someone you think they're very naiiiiice, Borat style! Add a name to personalise this cheeky Scribbler design.

Make A Sexy Time

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Think you can handle it? Send this cheeky Valentine's card to peak their interest and get ready to love every inch of them! Add A Name design by Scribbler.

Don't Make Em Big Enough

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Your relationship has survived the pandemic? Congrats! Add a name and send your partner this Lockdown inspired Valentine's card by Scribbler to get them feeling hot under the mask.

Sit On My Face

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How's your Valentine's to do list looking? Flowers? Chocs? Dinner? Or you could just skip straight to the main event? Add A Name design by Scribbler.

To Do List

True love is them wiping for you after youre done. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Going For A Poo

Nothing says love like putting your coldest part on their warmest part and saying "is this cold?" A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Cold Feet Warm Arse

This is bloody disgusting and you definitely know someone who'll appreciate this brand of humour. We'll take the lentil thanks. Designed by Scribbler.

Fifty Pound Lentil

Well of course but either way youre gonna end up with a belly ache or a massive headache. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Full Of Wine

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