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Rude Valentine's Cards

They may be a pain in the arse but they’re your pain in the arse! If declarations of undying love aren’t really your style, these rude Valentine’s Day cards give you the perfect way to avoid all that sappy stuff. Whether you want to throw a cheeky insult at your other half or seduce someone with an explicit design, browse our naughtiest, most offensive cards to spice up any celebration. For more adult humour, check out our sweary and retro style Valentine’s cards.

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This is bloody disgusting and you definitely know someone who'll appreciate this brand of humour. We'll take the lentil thanks. Designed by Scribbler.

Fifty Pound Lentil

Well, I guess there's nothing else to say really. Don't beat about the bush, send this Dean Morris card now.

Suck My Dick

You'll never be able to watch Next Generation in the same way again! Awkward Star Trek orgy, as requested by Sam Wise. Hilariously naughty Jim'll Paint It design by Lesser Spotted Images.

Awkward Star Trek Orgy

Make the day all about your other half for a change with this sweary design by Maria Ofili.

All About You

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Anyone who doesn't know emoji's might not get this Valentine's card by Scribbler, but to anyone who does, it's perfect to send to your partner!

Emoji Text Wanna Fuck

Mmm doughnuts! This rather raunchy design from Dean Morris Cards is ideal for any couple with a great sense of humour.

Sit On My Face

True love is them wiping for you after youre done. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Going For A Poo

Well of course but either way youre gonna end up with a belly ache or a massive headache. A card designed by Jeffrey & Janice.

Full Of Wine

Twat But I Like You. General Greeting Card by Brainbox Candy. Send this card to someone who you like, even though they can be a bit of a doughnut sometimes.

Twat But I Like You

The sort of romantic proposal every woman wants to hear on Valentine's Day. At least they actually washed! Designed by Whale & Bird.

See You Shortly

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Oh, damn! Whatever the occasion, send your wife this naughty design and make sure she's wet with excitement. Designed by Scribbler.

Wife Wet Beaver

When your sex life is not what it once was! It's clearly time to get more adventurous and bring vegetables into the bedroom. Designed by Whale & Bird.

Butternut Squash

This Jolly Awesome card is ideal to send to your partner, because even when they?re being a prick you still love them unconditionally.

A Prick

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They'll definitely be cashing these in as soon as they see this Valentine's card by Scribbler.

Love Coupons

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Very naiiiice, I like! Give your wife's vagine the thumbs up, Borat style and get ready to have a very sexy time this Valentine's. Designed by Scribbler.

Wife You Have A Nice Vagine

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There're 206 bones in the human body, but when I'm with you I have 207! Send this hilariously naughty Valentine's card by Scribbler and make them smile.

You Give Me A Boner

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