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Rude Valentine's Cards

They may be a pain in the arse but they’re your pain in the arse! If declarations of undying love aren’t really your style, these rude Valentine’s Day cards give you the perfect way to avoid all that sappy stuff. Whether you want to throw a cheeky insult at your other half or seduce someone with an explicit design, browse our naughtiest, most offensive cards to spice up any celebration. For more adult humour, check out our sweary and retro style Valentine’s cards.

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It's a 5-star luxury resort, you feel very lucky to be allowed to stay! Tell them what a wonderfully warm and cosy resort they have with this Scribbler Valentine's card.

Google Review Vagina

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Let your partner in crime know that their love sustains you, much like oatmeal, with this Brooklyn Nine Nine inspired card. Name a better duo, we'll wait. Valentine's design by Scribbler.

You Aren't Some Common Bitch

Happy Blow Job Day! That is the unofficial name for it. A charmingly direct Valentine's or anniversary card from Dean Morris. Perfect for a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife who needs reminding.

Happy Blow Job Day

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Relive the Jurassic era with this Scribbler card referring to the Flintstones. A page right out of history.

Wanna Yabba Dabba Do It?

Valentine's Day is the perfect time to start dropping some compliments for extra brownie points. A beautiful smile and great tits should be a good place to start so, send this Dean Morris card.

Your Smile

Send this Valentine's card to someone who's one in a million, just like their pubes. Designed by Buddy Fernandez.

Ginger Minge

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Do they have a lovely ginger pussy? Then show them how much you love it with this hilarious Scribbler card.

I Still Love Your Pussy

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This is probably not safe please do not try this at home! A birthday card designed by Boogaloo.

Glitter My Shitter

It must be love. Who says romance is dead? Funny valentine or anniversary Dean Morris card. Perfect for your other half.

My Cock Your Arse

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You willy love them, and you love their willy! Let them know what this hilarious Scribbler Valentine's card.

I Willy Love You

They're a keeper if they can make your pussy wet! Send this Dean Morris card to your partner on Valentine's Day.

You Make My Pussy Wet

Sugar Tits. Valentine's Day Card by Brainbox Candy. Keep your valentine message short and sweet with this cheeky card.

Sugar Tits

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You didn't really think we could have a collection of space themed cards without including a Uranus joke, did you? Designed by Scribbler.

Show Me Uranus

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For the one who's 100% your type on paper, send this naughty Love Island inspired card and ask them to couple up. Designed by Scribbler.

Will You Rail Me

I'm Not Bored Of You Yet, by Dean Morris Cards.Who said romance is dead? Remind your other half that you can still stand them with this loving card.

I'm Not Bored Of You Yet

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They're a grower not a shower and that's totally fine with you. Let them know with this hilarious photo-upload Valentine's card by Scribbler.

It's A Grower

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Let your partner know she's in for an edible treat tonight with this hilarious Scribbler card.

Lick Me Until Ice Cream

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