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Rude Valentine's Cards

They may be a pain in the arse but they’re your pain in the arse! If declarations of undying love aren’t really your style, these rude Valentine’s Day cards give you the perfect way to avoid all that sappy stuff. Whether you want to throw a cheeky insult at your other half or seduce someone with an explicit design, browse our naughtiest, most offensive cards to spice up any celebration. For more adult humour, check out our sweary and retro style Valentine’s cards.

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They're a grower not a shower and that's totally fine with you. Let them know with this hilarious photo-upload Valentine's card by Scribbler.

It's A Grower

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If your partner can't take the hint, spell it out for him! Send this self-help Valentines design by Scribbler.

Satisfy Your Partner

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Send your love to your favourite penis with this romantic Dean Morris design. Don't try and upload a dick pic here, we know what you dirty lot are like.

I Heart Your Penis Photo Upload

Tell your partner you love them with this Dean Morris card, even if they're a bit of a knobhead!

Big Knob Head

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Words to live by! Real men send Valentine's cards to their best buds to show how much they appreciate them, trust us. Designed by Scribbler.

Bros Before Hoes

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A great twist on that catchy pop song. Show him that romance is still alive this Valentine's Day with this Scribbler card, and insert your own text.

Wreck Your Balls

I Fucking Love You AND I Love Fucking You. Be completely open and honest with this anniversary or Valentine's card from Dean Morris. What better compliment could you give to your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend?

I Love Fucking You

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Let your partner in crime know that their love sustains you, much like oatmeal, with this Brooklyn Nine Nine inspired card. Name a better duo, we'll wait. Valentine's design by Scribbler.

You Aren't Some Common Bitch

Liam needs some lovin! He will look for you, he will find you and he will seduce you. Rude design by Quite Good Cards.

Liam Needs Some

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Send this Valentine's card all the way from Kazakhstan to tell a special someone you think they're very naiiiiice, Borat style! Add a name to personalise this cheeky Scribbler design.

Make A Sexy Time

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Some might say this Scribbler card is a bit sharp but we just think it's to the point! Show someone you love them really by sending this prickly design.

You're A Prick

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Explore Uranus, by Scribbler. To boldly go where no one has gone before? Send this hilariously crude Valentine's card to your space buddy.

Explore Uranus

On the other hand, she was having no problem handling Bernard's utensil. Hilarious design by Whale & Bird.

Barbara's Soapy Jugs

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This pinata's a little on the kinky side! This hilarious Scribbler card is perfect for anyone who's in for a spanking!

Spank That Ass

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What every Boyfriend wants to hear, even if it's not 100% true... He's got to know his manliness is up to your standards for his ego to stay tip top! Designed by Scribbler.

Mr Big Dick

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Award this personalised Valentine's card to an official orgasm donor and thank them for their generous services. Designed by Scribbler.

Thanks For The Orgasms

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Send this Scribbler Valentine's card and you could be in for a wild ride and some screaming tonight!

Relationship Rollercoaster

These two are at it like rabbits! Give this helpful hint to your partner on Valentine's Day and see if slow and steady wins the race. Designed by Whale & Bird.

Slow Steady Strokes

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Oh, damn! Whatever the occasion, send your wife this naughty design and make sure she's wet with excitement. Designed by Scribbler.

Wife Wet Beaver

Another cheeky and naughty classic from our friends over at Foggish. Perfect for someone who has a wicked sense of humour.

Let's Fuck

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